Pumpkin Spice #3

**If you're new, scroll down on your phone or check the sidebar on the right to find Pumpkin Spice #1. Installment #3 is below!

*****

The word I yell at the driver who just cut me off would have earned me a week's grounding if I were a teen still living at home. I honk my horn and speed through the intersection. Gah, how many days until Christmas? Thanksgiving is only a three weeks away, which means I'll finally get a day off work. Of course, I'll pay for it by being surrounded by overbearing aunts who want to know when I'm going to settle down. Gah, I'd rather face a firing squad. 

Work was hell this week. I swear, my email notifications went off every five minutes, and Janet in Marketing gave me some sassy lip today about a report I turned in. I spent ten minutes fuming and contemplating the best way to set her cubicle on fire. Which would earn me praise from my colleagues - everyone hates Janet. But instead I redid the report (which was fine to begin with) just to get her off my back. I swear, I am one bad day from painting my face blue and impersonating Mel Gibson's "They can never take our freedom!" speech. 

 

Get over it, Kace. It's the weekend. And oh man, do I love weekends. Especially now.

Weekdays I get Dean-at-work. No texting or emailing. Strictly business. He's my boss, and nothing more.

 

But weekends are turning out to be one interesting adventure. Because then I get not-at-work-Dean.

 

In in the four weeks since our first date, I've finally beaten him at Mario Kart and seen all of the Star Wars movies. I’d even brought over Disney movies last weekend and talked him into watching one. I know his sister's names and about his dog that died when he was in fifth grade, and he knows about my Grandma Alice and how for a short stint in college I thought about joining the Peace Corp because my boyfriend broke up with me.

 

I roll my shoulders to work out the kinks as I pull into Dean's parking lot.  I get out of the car and lean back against the door, huffing out a sigh and wondering what my odds are of winning the lotto if I never buy a ticket.

 

“Bad day?”

 

I snap my head up, surprised to see Dean standing in front of me.

 

"I was taking out the trash and heard this sigh that they probably heard two counties over," he teases.

 

I sigh. "Work was rough." I make a face. "My boss..."

 

Dean grins. “Is he a real jerk?”

I nod my head. “You have no idea. I had to get these quarterly reports to him, even though I’d already sent them last week. He needed them formatted differently and forgot to tell me.”

Dean winces. “Ouch. That guy sounds like a bastard.”

 

I force down my laugh. Reformatting the reports hadn't been a big deal, and Dean knows it, but this is fun. "Yeah, but what could I do? I don't want to upset this guy. You know there's a rumor that he might really be a woman? It would explain his mood swings."

 

Dean steps close and braces his arms on either side of me, pinning me to the car. “Oh really?”

I can feel my stress leaving my body. This is why it's so great to be with Dean. “Not that I believe it. I think he might be seeing one of the girls I work with."

 

He raises a brow. "Oh yeah?" He puts his hands on my waist.

 

"Yeah. I think he's sweet on this this older lady, Janet, who can be a real you-know-what. I think he and she would be perfect for each other.”

Dean shakes his head and squeezes my sides. “You’re walking a fine line there, lady.” 

Then his lips are against mine before I can think to want them there. He moves his mouth against mine, his scruff scratching my chin and his kiss sending raging fire shooting through me. His hands reach around my back, pulling me to him. He tastes like, I don't know, heaven and magic and something distinctly male. I probably taste like estrogen and a little bit of psychotic. But he must like it, because he deepens the kiss, tilting his face and pressing me even closer to him. My body sizzles and I feel like fainting all at the same time. 

He pulls his lips away, his nose nuzzling my cheek. Then he stands back, and I finger the bottom hem of his t-shirt.

Dean smiles down at me. "I think maybe your boss has seen enough of you this week." He brushes a piece of hair out of my face. "Now it's my turn."

And I die. Right here, leaning against my beat up Civic, life as I know it just ended. And this guy I've been seeing just plopped down in my heart. 

And man, I hope he stays a while.

*****************************

“Kacey?”

I jump in my chair, my lip gloss nearly flying from my hand. I spin toward the door and hide a grimace. Janet hangs from my doorframe, her too-thin eyebrows arched. “Departmental wide meeting in five minutes. Did you not get the memo?”

I paste on a smile. “I did, thanks.” I turn back to my computer and hope she goes away without noticing the lip gloss in my hand. No way do I need Janet wondering who I’m getting dolled up for. She’s probably the one who snitches on people checking Facebook at work. Geez. I grab my coffee mug and head to the conference room.

“Kacey.” My co-worker Meg sidles up beside me, her own coffee in hand. “Any idea what this meeting is about?”

“Our big fat Christmas bonuses?”

As if there is such a thing. She smirks and leads us into the room. Others are gathering in the chairs on the far side. Dean leans against the table. He looks up when I enter, and I fight every instinct I have to smile. It’s like my heart gets electrocuted every time I see him. I haven’t changed because I’m dating Dean. But I feel different. Alive and vibrant, the way you do after a new hair cut (unless that hair cut involves heavy bangs as mine did in college, which left me in a stupor of sobs and regret for days on end).

Dean glances away from me. We’re so well practiced on hiding things. Even though that personnel manual he so carefully poured over doesn’t prevent us from dating, there’s no need to be the spotlight of office gossip.

The blue oxford shirt he has on today is plain but offset nicely by his dark eyes and checkered Vans. Gah, he’s so cute. The top button of his shirt is undone, exposing just a hint of his chest that I like to trace with my finger when we’re cuddled up watching a movie together. This past weekend when I did it, he’d eventually grabbed my hand and told me I couldn’t do that to him if I expected him to pay attention to the movie. 

 

Which I didn’t.

No need to get hasty, Kacey. I still haven’t met his parents or heard him call me his girlfriend or anything. And it’s not like we spend all weekends tangled up in some teenage make out session on his couch. I can count the kisses we’ve shared on one hand. But, I can also count the number of kids we’ll have that I’ll be soccer mom to one day.

Heaven help me.

I glance at Dean. His eyes are on me again. I hide my smile behind my coffee mug as he glances away, a nervous expression on his face like he’s embarrassed I caught him staring.

Mr. Benning walks in, and Meg elbows me in the ribs. Must be something big if he’s doing the meeting. I settle back in my chair. Mr. Benning can drone on and on about nothing; superfluous in speech but not in making a point at all. Good thing I grabbed my coffee. This could last all morning.

“Well, folks, I’ve got some bad news.”

Everyone leans forward, and I can practically smell the word layoff rising up above everyone’s heads.

“We’re losing one of our best people to the good folks in Ohio.” He motions to someone up front, who stands.

Dean.

Dean stands.

What?

Mr. Benning claps him on the shoulder. “Seems Dean here is wanted as the new Financial Director of a company in Columbus. He’ll be here the next two weeks getting things ready to transition.”

The air has somehow been sucked out of the room.

“Until we have a new hire, Janet will be managing Dean’s roles.”

Janet smiles, smug. I swivel my gaze back to Dean. His brown eyes are fixed everywhere but on me.

 

Chatter breaks out, but all I can hear is the sound of my own heart, pounding so loud against my head it's nearly deafening. Dean shakes Mr. Benning’s hand and people gather around him, offering congratulations.

Ohio.

He didn’t tell me.

 

I spent Saturday night pressed into his side, his hand like blazing fire where it rested on top of my knee. And he didn't tell me.

 

Two weeks.

“Well, no Christmas bonus," Meg stands and waves her coffee mug. “Let’s get refills while we have a chance.”

I stand but don’t know how, and somehow follow her out on legs that seem to be operating apart from me. No one says anything as we walk out. Meg chatters on while we refill our coffee. Nausea churns up in my stomach. "I better get back to work." I turn and leave without another word. 

 

Breathe, Kacey. Just breathe. My hand shakes as I set my coffee down. I reach into the cabinet where I keep my purse and grasp my car keys. Just leave. Leave and don't cry until you get out of the parking lot.

 

I stand. Then sit back down. No.

 

I am an adult. A professional. 

 

And darnit, I will not let Dean see me run out. Or cry.

 

Three deep breaths, and I turn back to my computer screen and the spreadsheets I have pulled up. Minutes pass.

 

Five.

 

Twenty.

 

An hour.

 

Dean doesn't appear in my doorway. I check my emails. 

 

Nothing.

 

He's leaving. And didn't tell me. I click on my spreadsheet again as tears race down my face. 

 

It was all nothing. 

************************

I somehow make it to five despite the foundation of my joy and happiness just being ripped out from under me. Dean never stopped by. No apology. No explanation. I finally stopped checking my emails obsessively around lunch.

All through the day I've battled in my mind whether or not to call him or not. I can't think of how to start talking to him that doesn't involve curse words and screaming. All that glitters does not glow, apparently. Or at least won't after two weeks. I jam the elevator button half a dozen times. My sadness has now morphed into absolute rage. What did he think this was, a way to waste time? My gosh, I was nothing more than a make out buddy these past few weeks.

A fierce December wind hit me as I plow out of the office, the cold breeze doing nothing to calm me. I just want to get the hell out of here and go home.

I walk up to my car, only to find Dean leaning against it. I'll give him five minutes, maximum.

He stands up when he sees me. "Can we talk?"

I unlock my car and throw my purse in the back seat. "I don't know. I'm sure you need to pack or something." I'm not even sorry for the snark in my voice. I try to open my front door.

"Hey." Dean's arm shoots out, shutting the door and grabbing my arm. "I just gave my two weeks on Friday. We were still ironing out details. And I didn't know Benning was going to call that meeting today. Kace, I swear, the last thing I wanted was for you to find out like that."

He looks at me, and I glance away, clamping down on my lip to keep from crying.

Dean drops his hand. "I submitted a resume to this company months ago and didn't hear anything. Then out of the blue, I get a phone call last week. It's a great job, and it's closer to my family."

My fire dies out a little. I can't blame him for taking it. Or for how fast it all came together. But that doesn't make this any better. He's leaving. Leaving me. And I wish we hadn't dated at all if it was just going to end like this.

He tips my chin up to look at him. My lip trembles. Dean opens his mouth, and a minivan passes. I bite my lip and turn my head. Here I am in the worst moment of my life, and my coworkers are driving by. The lights on the Christmas tree in our lobby blur with my tears. I blink, determined not to let him see them, then stare at his shirt. I am an adult, and will handle being dumped with some shred of dignity.

"Kace, I know - " He stops and glances away. "I know long distance is hard, and maybe you don't even want to try it, but, please Kace." He puts a hand on either side of my face. "Please tell me I didn't just take my dream job and lose the girl of my dreams at the same time."

My heart cracks open. "You still want to be with me?" I whisper.

Dean nods. "Yes." He rubs his finger over my cheekbone. "Oh Kacey, I'm so sorry you had to find out like this. I was going to tell you tonight, before anyone else at work knew. I'm sorry."

I nod. A terrible ache cinches around my heart. "I don't want you to go." Tears pour out of me now, and I hate myself for them. I'm no better than a thirteen year old girl.

Dean puts his arms around me and leans forward, his forehead touching mine. "I don't want to leave you either. But I can't pass this up." He pulls back and searches my face, his eyes boring into mine. "Please." Dean grabs my hand in his. "Please don't give up on me." His brown eyes are like liquid chocolate. "Will you try this with me?"

The thought of him moving away makes me want to throw up. The drive to Columbus from Atlanta is what, eight hours? Nine? I'll be with Dean, but not actually be with him. And that's not what I want. Not at all.

Stupid life. I finally find a guy, and he's leaving. I don't want nine-hours-away-Dean.

But if that's the only Dean I get...

It all slams into me. I tuck myself into Dean's arms and cry. I don't care who sees.

Dean presses me harder into him. "We'll figure it out, ok?"

More tears pour out of me. Because I don't know if we'll figure it out. I don't know anything. All I can think about is how he smells and feels and how for a terrible six hours today, I thought I'd never have him again.