(This one gets a Pg-13 rating)
This is what my deranged brain came up with:
Jamie put her hand in the turkey and wondered how many secrets she could jam up its ass along with the stuffing.
Gosh, she hated holidays. A day spent with her family was about as appetizing as congealed cranberry sauce. She glanced at her kitchen counter, littered with flour, bits of chopped celery, and a glob of pumpkin. She had wanted to cancel this year, but no, Mike wouldn’t hear it. Wanted to carry on as usual. For the family. For tradition.
Jamie scoffed. Her family would dish up as much dysfucntion as they would green bean casserole . If they only knew what she and Mike were hiding…
Her phone buzzed in her back pocket. Jamie stopped mid stuff, her heart drumming inside of her. This was it. One glance at the number calling confirmed her worst fear. She flipped it open and swallowed past the nausea creeping up her throat.A voice crackled on the other end. “It’s done.”